What Fear is Holding you Back?

Don’t let your life get too busy to start your dreams, time is finite. Wouldn't you rather say you tried and failed rather than never trying at all? This post was written just over a year ago and right after my life got busy and I failed myself by not trying again. It is never too late to realize your life will always be busy, and there will never be a right time, just go for whatever it is you want and whenever you do it will be the right time. 

”Third times the charm or so they say. So here I am writing up a first post for my blog for the third time. The first time I did I was 17 then the second time was 10 months ago and now today July 7th of 2023. So hi my name is Samantha and after reading the book Hello Fears by Michelle Poler I kept returning to the question why have I not started my blog. What was my fear holding me back? Perhaps it was that I was worried about what people in my life would think, perhaps because sharing your life stories, experience and knowledge through a blog is not the societal norm. Maybe I thought, what could I offer to the discussion?  Who would want to listen to me? I'm so young. That's the point though, I want to make a space to be heard and help others and tell my stories. By not starting my blog the first time or the second time I choose to stay confined to my comfort zone I said no to myself before anyone else could have the chance. Today on this third try I said yes to myself, my dreams and my future. While I don't know what the future holds because unfortunately or fortunately like you I can not predict the future (or can I ;) ) meaning I have no clue where this journey will take me, which is kind of thrilling to be honest. What I do know though is the only way to find out is to jump and see what happens. So here I am jumping for me and my future in front of you for all who wander to my corner of the world to see. I wouldn't want you to miss out on the first or second first blog post I wrote, so in order for them to not be forgotten and get there chance to be told yes and see the light of day here they are

November 13, 2022

~Hi, I'm Samantha. I have tried starting a blog twice this year alone, and failed both times all because I let other people's voices out way my own. So here I am making my own executive decisions. Perhaps the first times I failed because I was writing to you when really I should have been writing to future me the one that one day will be able to look back at this as a place I started and hopefully be proud of the growth that has come both as a person but also in memories, and love. I was in high school when I first wrote my intende first post. Then just about to graduate when I wrote my second and now here I am about to finish up my first semester of college. I figured I would just copy and paste my second version and catch us up on the rest so without further ado here is what I wrote on June 7th 2022:

“Hello, my name is Samantha, I am 17 and a dancing queen. I have a passion for fashion, traveling and chasing the three L’s of life: love, laughter and luxury. I am about to graduate high school yay! Congratulations to all the other 2022 graduates, we have come a long way. With that being said, I am trying to carve out space in this big world for me where I can share my thoughts, feelings and in some cases knowledge with those who come across this page! Think of this as a public diary from me to you, my form of passing notes in class and assuring that my story out lives me. I am always taking up new hobbies and creating content that I love through many forms, though writing it is a little more special to me ✨ It's the thoughts you don't dare to say allowed and with each piece of writing you imbed yourself. You tell a story with your own personal creative liberty, some true, some dramatized but yet still true to oneself in this case that's me, my story, my dreams and my hopes. While I have many future paths I want to take, my life goal as of now is to live my life to the fullest and hope by the end of it I have made a positive impact on the people and places around me. I'm getting a bit ahead of myself though so let's rewind; I was born in New York and my whole family relocated when I was three, a few years later my younger brother was born and I became a big sister. Skip a few tragic years and I end up in high school; where I made getting good grades a priority which now with the retrospect of the last four years I am both glad and proud I did. From leaving soccer and dance behind me and having nothing to do over covid I started a youtube channel and then forgot about for a little whoops my bad with my time off of social media though, I picked up my makeup pellets which I have always loved and started getting back into makeup and fashion and out of my sweatpants. Started writing a book and taking my poetry seriously and learned not to care what people think. That was a hard pill to swallow that sometimes I need another dose of. I was that annoying girl that said after freshman year only three more years left! The one that couldn't wait to get out of her hometown. I guess I didn't realize just how fast the time could go especially when you're stuck inside for most of it. After all that though I'm here writing this for you, for me and for anyone that is looking for a friend so hi my name is Samantha and it is so nice to meet you. I have made some big choices as of recently such as choosing the college I will attend this fall and finding the degree that will take me where I want to go in life. Though as I have heard plenty of times you might change your major.  Either way no matter where I end up or what I end up doing I thought I would take you with me so here lies the window into my life.  May it be a fun journey to document and may I create the kind of memories you want to tell your grandchildren and a few that you probably rather forget. 

XoXo Samantha” 

So 17 year old me had big plans and dreams. To be quite honest not much has changed. I now however am in the chapter, season if you will, of my life where I am learning how to be an adult. I still am trying to not care what others say and live life to the fullest. I wrote a bunch in the above entry that now has me shaking my head whether it be the wording or just what it is I say. The funny thing is I remember how proud and excited I was to share that with the world when I first wrote it and so for the version of me that was excited to share it, there it is. I know that in a few years or months I will look back at this and will most likely think the same thing about what I am writing now but there's self awareness for you. As for the things that have changed, I am now an adult (I got to vote, that was pretty cool), I live 600 miles away from home, and I have made some of the best friends I could have even imagined. Here I am just trying to figure out life knowing that older me will read back through this and laugh because I have no idea what's coming next or just around that corner. 

Here is where I will collect all the little things.

The moments I hope to remember, and write or rather type the story of me.~

In conclusion I ask what are you afraid of, what opportunity did you turn away, what did you say no to just so no one else could? You don't have to tell me (though if you want to leave me an email!) but be honest with yourself and be brave enough to say yes. “

Three different versions of me write to you in this and three different versions of me are still afraid to be told no to my dream by the world, the difference now is I am much more afraid of never giving myself the shot at my dream life. So as I asked you before; what are you afraid of? I have 53 days before I am no longer a teenager and I am afraid of waiting till I’m “older” to have enough financial stability to give my dream a go I am never guaranteed to get “older” and I'm tired of waiting because when you really think about it I am older, older than the 17 and 18 year old who wrote this before. I'm saying yes to myself and jumping, take charge of your life and jump with me!

XoXo Samantha